That, my friends, is a powerful question.

If you ever find yourself complaining, please stop for a moment and say to yourself, “What do I really want right now?!?”

Robert Kegan once said that behind every complaint is a deeper commitment. Meaning: If you’re complaining about something (i.e., being a Victim), the complaint simply points to a deeper commitment you have for yourself that is currently being thwarted.

For example, if I’m complaining about not having the freedom to pursue my creative ideas and putting someone or something in the position of Persecutor, I need to recognize that I’m falling into Victim-mode and ask myself, “What do I want?” In this case, the answer would be something like, “I want more freedom to create.”

The moment we ask that question, we’ve shifted our focus from the problem to the vision/solution. We’re no longer helpless Victims in the clutches of some Persecutor but Creators dealing with a Challenger (or challenging situation). That’s a powerful shift.

Let’s make it!

(For more on Victims and Creators and all that jazz, check out my summary of the great book by David Emerald called “The Power of TED*”!)